3 simple words

A few weeks ago, I attended a teacher’s training as I work with special needs children. They covered an interesting parenting and classroom management technique called 1-2-3 Magic by Dr. Phelan.

The principle from what I understood: When children misbehave they do it to push our buttons on purpose. They are testing us and they know what they are doing. Kids need boundaries to see how little or much they can get away with. The problem happens we as parents/teachers “buy” take the bait. Tempers flair and discipline is not reinforced. What happens in result is diversion from the issue and confusion on both sides.

How it works: When a child misbehaves, argues, or whines all you need to do is simply say “ok that’s 1″ and hold up 1 finger. If they push it again, 5 seconds later “ok that’s 2″ and hold up 2 fingers. If they still push your buttons, say “Ok that’s  3. Go take 10″ (which means time out, go to their room or face the wall depending upon your preference). Over time the kids will understand and stop even before you get to 3. In addition, you will eventually be able to “train” your children and during outings all you have to do is raise your finger.

The 2 key points the trainer told us to remember is the following:

• Don’t talk
• Be emotionless

According to the training, the problem with parents is we overly talk to our kids when disciplining. Then if the don’t understand, we get mad. We think they should think like us when in fact they think like children.

When children are determined, no matter what we say, nothing will get though to them. They have tunnel vision. They will will beg, plead or throw fits to get what they want or attention even if it’s negative reinforcement. In return, we get even more frustrated and angry. If we stop a child as quickly as possible before they reach that state of elevation, it will save us from lengthy tantrums and the children will eventually learn self control.

In addition, special needs children need the same types of reinforcement. If they aren’t verbal, have downs syndrome or a learning delay, children will be able to understand the simple numbers and hand gestures over time with enough consistent reinforcement. It’s less complicated for them to understand and you to implement.

Skeptical – I decided to implement this process at home. To my surprise – my kids got the concept immediately. I explained to them what I was going to do and what it meant. They understood when mom got to 3 it meant trouble.

However, the problem wasn’t them, but ME! i realized that I was afraid of being a bit “firm” on them and used too much logic and discussion. I talked too much! I gave too many chances vs just sticking to 1-2-3 (your out!)

Now, trying to convince a 4 year old he couldn’t have cereal at bed time seems like a silly discussion, but I found myself trying to talk him down when he said “please please please…” (he’s 4… what was I thinking!) I also found myself frustrated when my daughter of 9 whining over TV or computer. It seemed like when I showed her “my emotions’ she only returned by being more emotional… as any girl would. So if anything, the training was useful as it made me more attentive and aware of my own discipline tactics and consistency.

1-2-3 magic is starting to work but just like I am training my children, I have to train myself to keep my logical and emotional side behind when dealing with an illogical child.

To learn more about 1-2-3 magic visit http://www.parentmagic.com/